monsoonmartin

The first episode of "The Hasselhoffs" airs tonight at 10/9 central and I think I speak for many viewers around this great planet of ours when I say that this is the single most important thing that has happened, ever. Join me for a live chat during the show...

Monsoon

We're just minutes from the premiere, and I'm giddy with anticipation. What will be the first time he'll pretend to talk into his watch and say, "KITT, get me outta here"? What will be his first utterance of "Don't Hassle the Hoff"? Will he cry?

"I'm David Hasselhoff ... and this is my life." Already the greatest show ever.

He has a cockatoo named Peaches?

I know this show is going to focus on his daughters and their burgeoning singing career (joint) and acting career (Hayley). But what I really want is 100% Hoff.

"If we don't start now, we're going to be old haggards when we start."

"If only this car could talk, I could still use some advice..." - first Knight Rider reference...

I already loathe both of his daughters. They both look like whorish Cabbage Patch dolls.

"I've had a lot of ups and downs in this business, and it's how well you survive the down times."

"Hamburger incident" question - after these messages.

Also: I feel like I'm talking to myself here. Anyone else have thoughts? Or am I really alone? I can't have an existential crisis whilst watching The Hoff.

So far, the show is kind of "all over the place." I mean, what's the central arc here? Hoff as a father? Hoff as an aging celebrity? His daughters' careers? Seems a little fragmented thus far.

"I once performed for 100,000 people on the Berlin Wall in a blinking electric jacket. I know what pressure is." Magic.

Whoa. Joan. Whoa.

The original BMOC at Arizona. Awesome.

He's starting over at 57.
Most of the money he's made is gone? He's got Baywatch residuals, etc. The divorce? I don't get it.
So she's made the decision to leave school? And she ends the argument with "Whatever." I can't take much more of these children.

And: other good shows on A&E include "Breaking Bad," "Intervention," and "Billy the Exterminator."

Commercials: detergent, Magic Eraser, Sears. Demographic: soccer moms.

Sad piano music = first familial conflict.

Yes - he's crying. First episode. Whoa.

"I'm trying to convince Taylor to do the safe thing and stay in school. But where would I be if I had done the safe thing? I definitely wouldn't have become the German Elvis."

Magnificent.

Reactions to Hayley getting the part...

Hoff: "Do you know how big this is?"
Hayley: "Do you know how much shit I've been through in my life?"

And: "...it can be a hassle to be a Hoff." So he's already used that one, too.

Will he use the KITT thing too?????

Taylor's reaction to Hayley getting the part is so selfish!! Whatever.

"This is her dream!"
"Well this is my dream too, Dad."

Almost like it's ... scripted?

She calls her sister "Hay" as in "bale of hay."

Both girls are crying, again. SO MUCH GODDAMNED CRYING.

Last words: "Oh, man! I've got to stop Googling myself."