monsoonmartin

...or, the Mystery of the Flying Fish.  Allow me to explain.

On Wednesday evening, I parked my car on the street across from my home.  On Thursday morning, I returned to this vehicle to find a dead fish lying next to it.  I called Mrs. Monsoon over to take a look, but neither of us could make sense of it.  Then I noticed that the dead fish had evidently been flung (with more than a little bit of force) against the driver's side door/window/side mirror of my car, leaving a telltale slick of fish guts and scales but no damage.  I have illustrated the incident for you below with two pictures taken at the scene and time of the fishy discovery.

The creature in question. It is a perch, according to friends, and it is delicious when prepared with a little bit of butter and lemon. This one, not so appetizing.The aforementioned fish guts and scales. Difficult to see, but I promise they're there.

I made my way to school and began to speculate (with the help of my trusty colleagues) what this could mean, if anything.  A Google search revealed that a dead fish left on one's doorstep is a warning that he or she is going to be killed (i.e., will soon be "sleeping with the fishes" in organized crime parlance).

[In response to this revelation, a very wise acquaintance of mine wondered aloud, "If a fish means you'll be sleeping with the fishes, what does a horse head in your bed mean, that you'll be sleeping with the horses?  What would that even mean?"  What, indeed.]

Today, my good people, there was another fish--not in the same place, and this one had not been flung at my car.  But it was a fresh fish on the other side of the street (more or less in front of our house) nonetheless.  There was also a dead baby animal, possibly a squirrel, not far away.

I have just one question, and perhaps you fine readers can help me out with an answer:

Several theories have emerged to explain this piscine perplexity--some plausible, some delightfully implausible, some so crazy they just might work.  Here is a mishmosh...

1. This is a tragic case of the rare but heartbreaking phenomenon of serial ichthycide: catching (or even purchasing) live fish, only to end their lives by flinging them against an immovable object at high speed.
2. Fish suicide.  Too sad to even elaborate.
3. The random acts of local hooligans.  Young tom-fools, well lubricated with liquor and laden with a bucketful of fresh-caught fish from Muddy Creek, decided to drive down our street in the wee hours and fling the fish at cars.  Makes cow-tipping look like a night at the opera.
4. I am being targeted by someone I have rankled: a mouthbreathing tea party type, a disgruntled student, an unabashed white person.  The theory is that these fishy incidents will chasten me to stop whatever behavior is causing the objection (in the list above: thinking, grading, and listening to hip hop).
5. I am being targeted because I am a teacher, and according to many right-wingers, teachers and their unions are the root of all the social and economic evils now faced by our society.
6. I am being targeted by broken-nose types for reasons I cannot fathom.
7. I am being targeted by any number of organizations, for any number of reasons that I will not enumerate here: the Victor Emmanuel Society, the Knights of Columbus, the Boy Scouts of America...
8. A hawk with missing talons has caught the fish in the creek, but then dropped them due to its disfigurement.  This would explain both fishes and the baby rodent, mind you, and I thank Wendi for her demented genius.
9. The nine-year-old girl in the pink jacket who lives nearby is actually a child prodigy who has built a fully functioning catapult out of twigs and acorns; she has been testing it out using creatures killed by her pet cat and left in their yard.

Well, that's it.  Vote for your favorite, or provide another idea.  The best ones will be included in my next post.  I've gotta move on: bigger fish to fry.  (Sorry.  I showed admirable fish-idiom restraint throughout that story, I think.)

Friday night, rain tapering to scattered drizzle by the evening.  Low 38.

Saturday, foggy to start, and then mostly cloudy; slight chance of showers in the morning and early afternoon.  Breezy.  High 58, low 44.

Sunday, cloudy and rainy, mainly in the afternoon.  High 64, low 53.

Monday, partly cloudy with warm southwest breezes.  Look for strong thunderstorms in the late afternoon and evening.  High 79, low 56.

Tuesday, very windy and markedly cooler with the chance of a lingering shower or thunderstorm in the morning.  High 61, low 36.

Wednesday, sunny, breezy and pleasant.  High 63, low 40.

Thursday, partly cloudy and warmer.  High 69, low 46.

Friday, cloudy with rain possible.  High 65, low 54.

Next weekend (the 16th and 17th), rainy and warmer with highs in the 60s and lows in the 40s.

Monsoon

...that's German for 'thundersleet,' which is what is pummeling my home right now.  Bunk is plastered to my side and I am coining new German words.  It is truly meteorological madness.

What to expect for the rest of the evening?  Periods of rain, some heavy, with sleet mixed in.  Another round of nasty storms (and perhaps more thunder and lightning) will move through around 9 or 10.  The precipitation could end overnight as snow, leaving a coating to an inch on cars and grassy areas.

Chance of delay Thursday: 20%; chance of cancellation Thursday, 5%.

Aside from a few early-morning rain or snow showers, Thursday will turn out windy and cool with some afternoon clearing possible.  The high only gets up to 40; the overnight low will be 24.

Friday will be sunny, breezy, clear and cold, with increasing clouds late.  High 38, low 26.

The weekend looks overcast and cool, with highs in the low 40s and lows in the upper 20s.  I'm keeping an eye on a weekend system, but right now that looks like it will give us, at most, a few snow or rain showers on Saturday morning and afternoon.  No big whoop.  (Unless things change, so stay tuned.)

Next week, we'll see moderating temperatures (highs in the low 50s by Wednesday; upper 40s prior to that) but Tuesday and Wednesday hold the chance for rain.

Next weekend (April 2nd and 3rd) looks like a chilly fricking washout: temperatures in the 50s much of the time with plenty of rainfall.

Monsoon

Yes, it will.

Rumors have been swirling of 6-10 inches or more of snowfall tomorrow.  For most of us, I just don't think that will happen.  Let me get right into the forecast, which I've been struggling with for a couple of days now...

For those of us in the forecast area (central and southern Berks, northern Lancaster Counties), we'll see snow begin overnight, mixing with rain by late morning.  We will likely see several different types of precipitation (snow, sleet, rain) throughout the afternoon and evening before tapering off to flurries and snow showers overnight into Thursday.  I believe rain will be the predominant precipitation type most of us will see.  Temperatures will hold steady in the mid-30s for the entire day.

Accumulations: An inch or two of snow and sleet accumulation on grassy and untreated surfaces.  Extreme northern Berks, Lehigh, and Schuylkill Counties (as well as NE PA, North Jersey, and the Poconos) could see as much as six inches.

Travel problems: Before sunrise tomorrow morning, as well as tomorrow evening, roads could be slick and a bit treacherous.  But while the sun is out, most roads will be merely wet.

School scheduling disruptions: Delay 35%; cancellation 15%.

Stay tuned for updates...

Monsoon

The temperature got up to 80 in lots of places Friday, but this is still March.  Tomorrow may be the first day of spring, but this week (particularly the 2nd half of it) is going to be more evocative of winter...

We'll see a mostly sunny (but less windy) Sunday with a high of 52 and a low of 33.

Rain will begin overnight Sunday into Monday, and it's possible some sleet will mix in during the wee hours (3am-ish), particularly in northern Berks and the Lehigh Valley.  No travel issues, no delays, no problem here.  Expect rain, mainly in the morning, tapering to scattered showers for the afternoon.  High 52, low 41.

Tuesday will feature variable cloudiness and breezy conditions with high of 54 and a low of 30.

More precipitation arrives late Tuesday night (after midnight) into Wednesday morning.  The surface temperature may be low enough that snow will mix in early.  This wet snow will change quickly to all rain and, once again, will not affect travel or school schedules.  High 44, low 35.

Overcast Thursday with perhaps a few showers leftover (and mixed precipitation may be present on Thursday morning; I'll keep my eye on this developing situation).  High 46, low 29.

Friday looks partly cloudy, cool and windy.  High 42, low 26.

Next weekend looks like another gorgeous one at this point: highs near 50 and plenty of sunshine.

The last few days of March will be milder with highs in the upper 50s and low 60s but (in a preview of the proverbial April showers) rather rainy.

Stay tuned for updates on the potential winter weather this week, but as of now I see no cause for alarm...

Monsoon

My good blog-readers...

I am pleased to announce that your old pal Monsoon has written a letter to the editor of the New York Times, and it has been accepted for publication in the 13 March edition of the Sunday Magazine.  You can check this link and scroll toward the bottom; my entry is headlined "Dislike Button." 

My letter was edited for space due to the new format of the Letters page, so here (for you Monsoon completists out there) is the unexpurgated version:

Editor:
 
I have long enjoyed the Sunday Magazine as the must-read component your increasingly expensive publication.  However, the February 27th issue was, for me, a barrage of bad news.  I understand that Mr. Lindgren, the Magazine's new editor, felt he had to take steps to remake the glossy in his image, eliminating those columns or features he deemed outdated or redundant.  When I read of Deborah Solomon's firing from the Magazine's interview segment, I felt it made sense to rid the magazine of her combative, repetitive, and sometimes misleading pieces.
 
But the tale that unfolded in the February 27th issue was one of wholesale attrition.  First, I read that this column would be Randy Cohen's last as the Ethicist, later learning in an online article that he had already been replaced.  Mr. Cohen's elegant, understated responses to ethical quandaries were the first words I read in each edition of the Magazine, and I am already wondering how Sundays will be the same without his work. 
 
Next, I read that this would be the final column for Virginia Heffernan and "The Medium."  As the internet becomes an ever more integral part of our lives--my wife and I often ask one another as we look up a recipe or bit of trivia, "What did we do before the internet?"--it would seem that such a column would be indispensible.
 
Finally, and perhaps most troubling for a high school English teacher and lover of language, was Ben Zimmer's announcement that this would be the final "On Language" column.  Mr. Zimmer performed admirably in the unenviable task of replacing the late William Safire in writing this feature.  In this time of rapid changes in the development of language--the redefinition of what is acceptable, the spectrum of global influences, and so on--makes a column like this essential.
 
Mr. Lindgren's apparent policy of taking a scythe to the Magazine in an effort to improve it and make it more relevant seems to me shortsighted and impetuous.  It's a classic case of throwing out the baby with the bathwater, and neglects to consider the deeply held loyalties and preferences of your readership.

As you can see, the editors chopped my references to Hugo Lindgren, the Magazine's new editor, while tightening up some of my more longwinded tangents.

It's almost spring, and the March 11th opening of Boehringer's, Route 272 in Adamstown, is a most welcome sign of that season's approach.

A note about the pronuncation of this throwback drive-in's name: we have been calling it "BOAR-in-jerz" (rhymes with "Four in Purrs") since have been frequenting the joint; most locals say "BERR-ing-ers" (rhymes with "Herr Ringers"); I have even heard it pronounced "BOW-ringers" (rhymes with "Foe Flingers") and "BAY-rin-jerz" (rhymes with "Day Fin Curs"). 

The German pharmaceutical company Boehringer Ingelheim provides some guidance here: the "oe" construction is an Anglification of the "ö" (o umlaut) in German.  The "ö" is difficult for the typical English-speaking mouth to pronounce, but the proper pronunciation is something close to "BAY-rin-gers" (rhymes with Jay Fingers) or "BOH-ring-ers" (rhymes with "Foe Thing Burrs").  Given the tendency of most Pennsylvanians in this region (of German or Penna. Dutch descent) to swallow the "g" in their pronunciations, I'd say either the locals' version ("BERR-ingers") or the second German version ("BOH-ring-ers") is closest.  Can anyone shed some light here?  Is anyone still reading this?

Well whatever you call the joint, it's fantastic.  Boehringer's is celebrating its 75th anniversary this year, and has just created a Facebook presence so you can "Like" them, keep up with goings-on, and generally rave about the place.

Mrs. Monsoon and I went there today for the first time this season.  Saw some of my students there (two former, one current) and exchanged pleasantries while waiting for our order.  Had my first cheesesteak there (plain, of course).  I wasn't expecting Pudge's (the best cheesesteaks in the history of the world; they're in Blue Bell.  But I had heard they were good, so I gave it a shot.

My good people, it was damn good.  Far better than a cheesesteak from a roadside drive-in has any business being.  The roll was good, the cheese was intermingled nicely with the chopped beef, and the overall feeling I departed with was one of pure gustatory pleasure.  (Of course, the perfect fries and ice cream cone chaser didn't hurt, either.)

Etiquette is key at Boehringer's: order up at the counter, then step back to wait for your food.  The holding open of doors is particularly helpful.  Pay with cash only--credit cards and checks are not accepted.  Some jackwagon trying to pay for his hot dog, fries, and vanilla milkshake with a platinum card can really gum up the works.  Boehringer's is a well-oiled machine, Tucker.  Get with the program.

You can't really go wrong at Boehringer's--hot dogs, burgers, steaks, fries, and homemade ice cream.  And milkshakes!  Oh, the milkshakes.  You have to find just the right green-shirted employee, but I have had a few chocolate-peanut butter milkshakes there that made me forget my name.

The ambiance is nice, too.  Not inside the place--though there is a sort of controlled chaos that I find strangely calming.  I'm talking about the creekside picnic tables where you can enjoy your food and watch the ducks pad about.  It's like a little park: dogs, fowl, trees, rocks.  It's usually quite comfortable and breezy there, even on a really hot and humid day.  Sometimes the ants can be a little vexing and the bees a little threatening and the ducks a little aggressive, but what do you want?  You're outside and it's lovely.  Eat your butter brickle and stop your frickin' complaining.

It's open Tuesday through Sunday, 11am to about 9pm.

I'd love to hear your favorite Boehringer's memories, stories, foods, etc.  Email me!

Now on to the weather...

Today was nice - a bit brisk, but plenty sunny.  Sitting outside at Boehringer's got a little chilly as highs only reached into the mid 50s.

Sunday will be nice, but a little cooler: mostly sunny and rather windy with highs in the lower 50s (but this high will feel like the lower 40s due to the whipping winds).  Low just below freezing Sunday night.

Monday will feature more clouds than sun and highs in the upper 40s.  Just light breezes on this day.  Overnight lows in the upper 20s.

Tuesday will begin with plenty of sunshine, but clouds will build in late.  Expect milder southeasterly breezes to make the mid-50s high feel even a bit warmer.

Wednesday looks rainy and mild with temperatures in the mid 50s for much of the day.  We'll see showers and drizzle rather than the soaking downpours of last week.

Thursday and Friday will be sunny and milder still--Thursday's high will be in the upper 50s, Friday's in the low 60s.  Maybe an overnight shower Friday into Saturday, but nothing too bad.

Saturday and Sunday look nice: highs in the upper 50s to low 60s, lows in the mid to upper 30s.

Next week looks rainy and cooler.  But it will officially be spring!  So there's that...

Monsoon