monsoonmartin

...or, the Mystery of the Flying Fish.  Allow me to explain.

On Wednesday evening, I parked my car on the street across from my home.  On Thursday morning, I returned to this vehicle to find a dead fish lying next to it.  I called Mrs. Monsoon over to take a look, but neither of us could make sense of it.  Then I noticed that the dead fish had evidently been flung (with more than a little bit of force) against the driver's side door/window/side mirror of my car, leaving a telltale slick of fish guts and scales but no damage.  I have illustrated the incident for you below with two pictures taken at the scene and time of the fishy discovery.

The creature in question. It is a perch, according to friends, and it is delicious when prepared with a little bit of butter and lemon. This one, not so appetizing.The aforementioned fish guts and scales. Difficult to see, but I promise they're there.

I made my way to school and began to speculate (with the help of my trusty colleagues) what this could mean, if anything.  A Google search revealed that a dead fish left on one's doorstep is a warning that he or she is going to be killed (i.e., will soon be "sleeping with the fishes" in organized crime parlance).

[In response to this revelation, a very wise acquaintance of mine wondered aloud, "If a fish means you'll be sleeping with the fishes, what does a horse head in your bed mean, that you'll be sleeping with the horses?  What would that even mean?"  What, indeed.]

Today, my good people, there was another fish--not in the same place, and this one had not been flung at my car.  But it was a fresh fish on the other side of the street (more or less in front of our house) nonetheless.  There was also a dead baby animal, possibly a squirrel, not far away.

I have just one question, and perhaps you fine readers can help me out with an answer:

Several theories have emerged to explain this piscine perplexity--some plausible, some delightfully implausible, some so crazy they just might work.  Here is a mishmosh...

1. This is a tragic case of the rare but heartbreaking phenomenon of serial ichthycide: catching (or even purchasing) live fish, only to end their lives by flinging them against an immovable object at high speed.
2. Fish suicide.  Too sad to even elaborate.
3. The random acts of local hooligans.  Young tom-fools, well lubricated with liquor and laden with a bucketful of fresh-caught fish from Muddy Creek, decided to drive down our street in the wee hours and fling the fish at cars.  Makes cow-tipping look like a night at the opera.
4. I am being targeted by someone I have rankled: a mouthbreathing tea party type, a disgruntled student, an unabashed white person.  The theory is that these fishy incidents will chasten me to stop whatever behavior is causing the objection (in the list above: thinking, grading, and listening to hip hop).
5. I am being targeted because I am a teacher, and according to many right-wingers, teachers and their unions are the root of all the social and economic evils now faced by our society.
6. I am being targeted by broken-nose types for reasons I cannot fathom.
7. I am being targeted by any number of organizations, for any number of reasons that I will not enumerate here: the Victor Emmanuel Society, the Knights of Columbus, the Boy Scouts of America...
8. A hawk with missing talons has caught the fish in the creek, but then dropped them due to its disfigurement.  This would explain both fishes and the baby rodent, mind you, and I thank Wendi for her demented genius.
9. The nine-year-old girl in the pink jacket who lives nearby is actually a child prodigy who has built a fully functioning catapult out of twigs and acorns; she has been testing it out using creatures killed by her pet cat and left in their yard.

Well, that's it.  Vote for your favorite, or provide another idea.  The best ones will be included in my next post.  I've gotta move on: bigger fish to fry.  (Sorry.  I showed admirable fish-idiom restraint throughout that story, I think.)

Friday night, rain tapering to scattered drizzle by the evening.  Low 38.

Saturday, foggy to start, and then mostly cloudy; slight chance of showers in the morning and early afternoon.  Breezy.  High 58, low 44.

Sunday, cloudy and rainy, mainly in the afternoon.  High 64, low 53.

Monday, partly cloudy with warm southwest breezes.  Look for strong thunderstorms in the late afternoon and evening.  High 79, low 56.

Tuesday, very windy and markedly cooler with the chance of a lingering shower or thunderstorm in the morning.  High 61, low 36.

Wednesday, sunny, breezy and pleasant.  High 63, low 40.

Thursday, partly cloudy and warmer.  High 69, low 46.

Friday, cloudy with rain possible.  High 65, low 54.

Next weekend (the 16th and 17th), rainy and warmer with highs in the 60s and lows in the 40s.

Monsoon

My good blog-readers...

I am pleased to announce that your old pal Monsoon has written a letter to the editor of the New York Times, and it has been accepted for publication in the 13 March edition of the Sunday Magazine.  You can check this link and scroll toward the bottom; my entry is headlined "Dislike Button." 

My letter was edited for space due to the new format of the Letters page, so here (for you Monsoon completists out there) is the unexpurgated version:

Editor:
 
I have long enjoyed the Sunday Magazine as the must-read component your increasingly expensive publication.  However, the February 27th issue was, for me, a barrage of bad news.  I understand that Mr. Lindgren, the Magazine's new editor, felt he had to take steps to remake the glossy in his image, eliminating those columns or features he deemed outdated or redundant.  When I read of Deborah Solomon's firing from the Magazine's interview segment, I felt it made sense to rid the magazine of her combative, repetitive, and sometimes misleading pieces.
 
But the tale that unfolded in the February 27th issue was one of wholesale attrition.  First, I read that this column would be Randy Cohen's last as the Ethicist, later learning in an online article that he had already been replaced.  Mr. Cohen's elegant, understated responses to ethical quandaries were the first words I read in each edition of the Magazine, and I am already wondering how Sundays will be the same without his work. 
 
Next, I read that this would be the final column for Virginia Heffernan and "The Medium."  As the internet becomes an ever more integral part of our lives--my wife and I often ask one another as we look up a recipe or bit of trivia, "What did we do before the internet?"--it would seem that such a column would be indispensible.
 
Finally, and perhaps most troubling for a high school English teacher and lover of language, was Ben Zimmer's announcement that this would be the final "On Language" column.  Mr. Zimmer performed admirably in the unenviable task of replacing the late William Safire in writing this feature.  In this time of rapid changes in the development of language--the redefinition of what is acceptable, the spectrum of global influences, and so on--makes a column like this essential.
 
Mr. Lindgren's apparent policy of taking a scythe to the Magazine in an effort to improve it and make it more relevant seems to me shortsighted and impetuous.  It's a classic case of throwing out the baby with the bathwater, and neglects to consider the deeply held loyalties and preferences of your readership.

As you can see, the editors chopped my references to Hugo Lindgren, the Magazine's new editor, while tightening up some of my more longwinded tangents.

It's almost spring, and the March 11th opening of Boehringer's, Route 272 in Adamstown, is a most welcome sign of that season's approach.

A note about the pronuncation of this throwback drive-in's name: we have been calling it "BOAR-in-jerz" (rhymes with "Four in Purrs") since have been frequenting the joint; most locals say "BERR-ing-ers" (rhymes with "Herr Ringers"); I have even heard it pronounced "BOW-ringers" (rhymes with "Foe Flingers") and "BAY-rin-jerz" (rhymes with "Day Fin Curs"). 

The German pharmaceutical company Boehringer Ingelheim provides some guidance here: the "oe" construction is an Anglification of the "ö" (o umlaut) in German.  The "ö" is difficult for the typical English-speaking mouth to pronounce, but the proper pronunciation is something close to "BAY-rin-gers" (rhymes with Jay Fingers) or "BOH-ring-ers" (rhymes with "Foe Thing Burrs").  Given the tendency of most Pennsylvanians in this region (of German or Penna. Dutch descent) to swallow the "g" in their pronunciations, I'd say either the locals' version ("BERR-ingers") or the second German version ("BOH-ring-ers") is closest.  Can anyone shed some light here?  Is anyone still reading this?

Well whatever you call the joint, it's fantastic.  Boehringer's is celebrating its 75th anniversary this year, and has just created a Facebook presence so you can "Like" them, keep up with goings-on, and generally rave about the place.

Mrs. Monsoon and I went there today for the first time this season.  Saw some of my students there (two former, one current) and exchanged pleasantries while waiting for our order.  Had my first cheesesteak there (plain, of course).  I wasn't expecting Pudge's (the best cheesesteaks in the history of the world; they're in Blue Bell.  But I had heard they were good, so I gave it a shot.

My good people, it was damn good.  Far better than a cheesesteak from a roadside drive-in has any business being.  The roll was good, the cheese was intermingled nicely with the chopped beef, and the overall feeling I departed with was one of pure gustatory pleasure.  (Of course, the perfect fries and ice cream cone chaser didn't hurt, either.)

Etiquette is key at Boehringer's: order up at the counter, then step back to wait for your food.  The holding open of doors is particularly helpful.  Pay with cash only--credit cards and checks are not accepted.  Some jackwagon trying to pay for his hot dog, fries, and vanilla milkshake with a platinum card can really gum up the works.  Boehringer's is a well-oiled machine, Tucker.  Get with the program.

You can't really go wrong at Boehringer's--hot dogs, burgers, steaks, fries, and homemade ice cream.  And milkshakes!  Oh, the milkshakes.  You have to find just the right green-shirted employee, but I have had a few chocolate-peanut butter milkshakes there that made me forget my name.

The ambiance is nice, too.  Not inside the place--though there is a sort of controlled chaos that I find strangely calming.  I'm talking about the creekside picnic tables where you can enjoy your food and watch the ducks pad about.  It's like a little park: dogs, fowl, trees, rocks.  It's usually quite comfortable and breezy there, even on a really hot and humid day.  Sometimes the ants can be a little vexing and the bees a little threatening and the ducks a little aggressive, but what do you want?  You're outside and it's lovely.  Eat your butter brickle and stop your frickin' complaining.

It's open Tuesday through Sunday, 11am to about 9pm.

I'd love to hear your favorite Boehringer's memories, stories, foods, etc.  Email me!

Now on to the weather...

Today was nice - a bit brisk, but plenty sunny.  Sitting outside at Boehringer's got a little chilly as highs only reached into the mid 50s.

Sunday will be nice, but a little cooler: mostly sunny and rather windy with highs in the lower 50s (but this high will feel like the lower 40s due to the whipping winds).  Low just below freezing Sunday night.

Monday will feature more clouds than sun and highs in the upper 40s.  Just light breezes on this day.  Overnight lows in the upper 20s.

Tuesday will begin with plenty of sunshine, but clouds will build in late.  Expect milder southeasterly breezes to make the mid-50s high feel even a bit warmer.

Wednesday looks rainy and mild with temperatures in the mid 50s for much of the day.  We'll see showers and drizzle rather than the soaking downpours of last week.

Thursday and Friday will be sunny and milder still--Thursday's high will be in the upper 50s, Friday's in the low 60s.  Maybe an overnight shower Friday into Saturday, but nothing too bad.

Saturday and Sunday look nice: highs in the upper 50s to low 60s, lows in the mid to upper 30s.

Next week looks rainy and cooler.  But it will officially be spring!  So there's that...

Monsoon

Temperatures on Friday will reach the mid to upper 60s, challenging record highs in some places.  So we’re finished with sub-freezing temperatures, winter weather, and school scheduling disruptions, right?

LOL, my hopeful friends.  Your optimism truly has me ROFL. 

Anywho.

The answers are no, probably not, and possibly not.  I mean, the angle of the sun is changing every day, becoming more direct; and a good deal of the snowpack has melted.  But still, those are my answers.

Here are the details:

Friday 2/18: partly cloudy and breezy with strong winds developing Friday evening and overnight.  Afternoon high of 66; there is the slight chance of a passing shower in the afternoon.  Clearing overnight and markedly colder with a low of 38.

Why do I have a picture of Charles "Boobie" Clark, famed Bethune-Cookman alum and 1970s Cincinnati Bengals running back, on this blog entry? Is his glowering, afroed presence somehow germane to my discussion of the weather? No, my good people. I have invited him here simply because it seemed like the thing to do. Enjoy.Saturday 2/19: partly to mostly cloudy and really damned windy.  The afternoon high of 48 will actually feel more like 32 because of the winds.  Winds diminish later; overnight low of 22.

Sunday 2/20: overcast with a chance of rain and drizzle, especially later in the afternoon and in the evening.  High 44, low 32.  Becoming rather breezy late.

Monday 2/21: cloudy and windy with a bit of rain likely.  High 45, low 24.  (But wind chills at night and overnight will be in the single digits.)

Tuesday 2/22: a lot depends of track and timing here, but we could get some snow overnight Monday into Tuesday morning.  Be sure to check back on Monday (or before, if new information comes to light) for updates, but as of now I’d say you should expect an inch or two of wet snow and minimal travel/school disruptions.  I know, you’re all, like, ONNA, but I’m all, TWIS, so GOI. 

Whatever the case, it’s going to be windy and colder on Tuesday.  Look for overcast skies; high 36 (wind chills in the 20s), low 21 (wind chills in the teens).

Wednesday 2/23: sunny, nice, calmer wind.  High 43, low 28.

Thursday 2/24: partly cloudy and cool, but seasonably so (average high for this time of year is 43 or 44 degrees).  High 46, low 30.  IMHO, this will be the last day for a while that will see below-freezing temperatures.  JK!  See Friday.  And Sunday.  And beyond.

Friday 2/25: clouds build in ahead of a system that will affect our area next weekend.  Look for warm southeast winds that will usher in warmer air.  High 44, low 29.

Next weekend: at this point, it looks like a hot mess.  We’ll get up into the upper 50s on a rainy Saturday, then nosedive into the teens overnight into Sunday.  People will be, like, OMG, it’s cold!  And someone else will be, like, WDYM?  It’s still winter!  Look for highs barely above freezing on Sunday and Monday, the last two days of February.

Beyond: this system really has my attention.  It’s looking like the first two days of March could signal a slam-bang, lead-blanket, charging-rhino type of winter weather event.  (I don’t know precisely what I meant by all of those terms, but they sound good and alarming, do they not?)

TTYL,

Monsoon

Already following that strange little storm system overnight--which gave a delay to some, converting a half-day into a nearly full day--the streets are abuzz with talk of a monster storm next week.  So here's my initial take and a heads-up...

Check out the closed low in the top image, and just look at all that moisture on the GFS. Keep in mind that these models are only forecasting tools, but if this comes to fruition...oooo-wee!It's a classic Nor'easter setting up, most likely arriving early Tuesday morning and ending by Wednesday evening.  Right now it looks as though it'll snow heavily throughout that period--with strong winds blowing the snow slantways and greatly diminishing visibility.

The forecast models are blowing this into a major storm, but there are several factors (including storm track, warm air aloft, and the amount of moisture available) that could mix the snow with rain or give us just a glancing blow.

Here's what I think: due to a trough of cold air settling into the area, I think this'll be all snow, at least for us in the Berks region.  I also think it'll be a     slow-moving system that has the potential to churn away over our area for up to 36 hours.  The damage: two feet of snow and at least two more snow days.

But hey - there are 3 1/2 days between now and then, and a lot can change in that space for the reasons mentioned above.  I'll be able to give a more definitive forecast on Sunday and/or Monday.  Until then, it might not be a bad idea to reassess your travel schedule for Tuesday and Wednesday...just in case.

It's a complicated storm, and no one understands it but Monsoo-oon

Daaaaaaamn right.

Monsoon 

Back in the early 90s, I was on the Campus Center Board (CCB) at Albright, an organization that brought comedians and recording artists to campus and set up events for the student body.  We got some great young comics, including Jay Mohr (he was great, and I remember him raving about the new Beastie Boys album), Janeane Garofalo (she was rather unpleasant, and stood outside smoking until the last possible moment she had to go onstage), and Renee Hicks (she was bald, apparently by choice).  We also received tons of demos, including one that stood out to me: A Recluse by a Brooklyn-based artist named Armani Spade.

Well.  To say it “stood out” is actually a dreadful understatement; it resonated with me so profoundly that I soon became an Armani Spade evangelist, playing the cassette’s hottest tracks for everyone I knew.  The cassette’s three main tunes—it also includes an extended instrumental piece called “India (Meditation)” that comprises all of side A, and an instrumental version of “More About Your Eyes”—are a mélange of synthesized rhythm and melody lines, potent and poetic lyricism, and unforgettable vocals.  Each song is embedded in this post—though they’re on YouTube, the only video is a still image of the cassette cover. 

(Special thanks to Bill Snelling for converting the songs from cassette to CD for me, so I could share them with the world.)

Allow me to deconstruct each track here.

The best place to start is with the first song on side B, “More About Your Eyes.”  The piece is a study in the tension that exists in the space between desire and attainment, that magnificent limbo from which Spade sings and raps about his amorous intentions.  At 1:21, the song’s energy shifts, underscored by an ominous tone, as Spade raps, “Gettin’ next to you in latitude.”  The climax follows immediately thereafter as he then wills his voice into a previously unattained tonal range and sings, “Listen to what I say! / It feels better this way / Don’t tell me to go / ‘Cause I won’t leave you no / But if I do and I got spare time / I will think about you all the while / Nothing could take my mind from you / ‘Cause you’re all I want to do.”

Once the song has reached these heights and Armani has employed a sophisticated vocal overlay, the listener is left with the pulsing swish of a heartbeat—an afterglow, if you will, befitting the emotional and romantic journey he’s just taken us on.

Though spent by the power of “Eyes,” we have no time to recover before “Could I Get A Little Closer,” which begins with a fierce warning yawp from Spade that announces his passion will not be denied.  Again, the lyrics best lay bare the astuteness of this piece: “I called you up on the phone / To come to my pad, my crib, my home / To talk about the birds and the bees / The chemistry between my bed, you and me / There’s nothing else that you can say to me / ‘Cause I’m lookin’ at your body in a sexual degree.”

The chorus consists of an iteration of the title in harmonized vocal overlay, which is followed by the somewhat more direct plea, “Could I get beside you? / Could I get inside you?”  The song is then dominated by an extended keyboard solo—first in a synthesized xylophone, then in a synthesized saxophone—that fully comprises the final three minutes of the piece.

Thirdly, and lastly--but most definitely not leastly--is a composition called simply “Relax,” whose refrain, “Cool cool out, cool out / Cool cool out, cool out,” will be echoing merrily through your ears for many days to come.  “Relax” is the dance club hit that never was.  It features a jangly riff, throbbing beat, and manic vocals that must be heard to be truly appreciated.  The opening lines here, about the singer’s attempts to initiate a romantic relationship through physical gyrations, are deep and instantly grab the listener’s attention: “I remember when I was at the club / Dancin’ with a girl, tryin’ to get some / Then you walked through the door / My eyes and yours made four.”  Having laid his two eyes on her two, he then proceeds to praise her physical attributes in the most flattering terms: “You’re more than a man could feed on / Skin so smooth, legs so strong.”

Into this fledgling encounter comes an apparently exotropic Cupid, looking simultaneously with one eye at Armani and with the other at Armani’s quarry.  The song concludes with negligee, romance, poor dancing, barely averted fistfights, and a final exhortation to relax.

Having been so affected by this man’s music, I embarked on a more than 15-year crusade to find him, and/or more of his tuneful output.  Using clues from his cassette cover (his Brooklyn address, the people he thanked, etc.), I finally tracked him down in 2009.

As it turns out, Armani Spade is just his stage name; his given name is Walde Murray.  In a few brief conversations, I learnt much about how Walde became Armani.  For some reason, he was surprised (but delighted) that someone wanted to talk about his music.

A Recluse was the most professionally recorded piece he did; all else that exists are snippets and unfinished songs.  He can see the other songs’ potential, he said, but to someone else it might sound like nothing.  “Somebody could look into Stephen King’s book and they see scratches and scribbles and things, even in a verbal sense,” he explained.

He told me that he writes “straight out, from the inside out,” eschewing any pattern or methodology.  “You write it in such a way that you amaze yourself, or somebody else comes along and says, it’s not much there,” he said.  “But then, something came out of it.”  He likened his songwriting style to that of the late King of Pop, Michael Jackson.  Recently, Jackson released an album of unfinished songs that illustrated the need for a good producer to “draw out” the music’s potential.  “Let’s use a real bass guitarist, or a real piano-ist [he or she might say],” making magic from “unrefined work.”

Armani Spade received “great responses” to the cassette when it was released.  However, he had no luck taking his tracks to radio stations and asking them to play his music.  “If it had been a known star,” he observed, “it would have been played.”

Walde Murray has spent the past nine years in the US Army, which does not afford him the time or resources to continue his music dreams.  While it’s important to “follow your heart,” it’s also important to make a decent living, he said.  However, when he retires to the reserve, he plans to renew his pursuit of music stardom, as he is still formulating ideas and writing songs.  “I’m keeping my head into the up-to-date stuff” as a way to stay in tune with modern musical sensibilities, he said. 

“I need to keep my eye on the ball,” he said, “and the ball is music.”

Monsoon